Becoming on the outside how I feel inside.

I specialise in sexological bodywork with people who are preparing for and or have undergone gender reassignment surgery.  After this massive surgery,  we can navigate together new routes to arousal and heal the scar tissue, pain and/or numbness from the trauma of the surgery held in the layers of the skin. 

I facilitate body mapping which helps the person in the development of new neural pathways alongside using specialist massage developed by Ellen Heed using organic castor oil to soften and remove the scar tissue. 

Often people who have undergone this surgery are in shockIt's a whole journey of adaption to this huge change that currently in the UK there are only talking therapies when body work to heal this trauma to the body is vital alongside talking therapy. 

One of my clients who has experienced such intense pain in her newly formed clitoris was advised surgery to cut it out as the only NHS option available. Thank fully this tragedy didn't happen after all her pain of surgery to create it! In just 7 sessions with a daily home practice program, this woman is now experiencing her new routes in arousal without pain with her new clitoris which could have forever been denied her.  If I hadn't trained in Sexological bodywork, my client would have been lonely in pain with her new genitals and might have resorted to having it cut out. I dearly wish that others in her position never are alone with this tragic outcome from a lifetime of being in hiding and the huge bravery to come out of hiding and undergo such radical surgery.

I would love this newly available treatment to be available, for transgendered people to know about, here in the UK where we currently have 18 Sexological Bodyworkers trained to heal Scar tissue and support people creating new neural pathways in their routes to experiencing pleasure with their bodies.

A small child is not aware of the word Gender. He or she simply reaches out for love, explores their new world and learns, often by seeing the reaction of the mother/carer and being excited to see pleasure and pride with each new step or achievement. I didn’t understand why my parents reacted the way they did with me at the time, so many confused signals to me, not a good start for a small child. But most of all I longed to be held and feel safe.
So as I grew, I missed attachment to my parents, sent away to a boarding school for boys. I didn’t seek attention but my looks and demeanour attracted danger. I was raped, aged eight, by the head master. I ran away, the school was closed, my parents explained how embarrassing this situation was and told me that I was never allowed to mention it ever again. New schools but I was lost I was further and horrifically abused by my peers. Leaving school was my escape for a while. I trained as a chef, I loved it but no one, no one ! was allowed to come close to me. I worked and that was my life, relationships were a mystery and flagged danger to me.
I looked at girls, and they felt safe with me, I am sure they thought I was gay. Then one day I found a bra that had been lost in the changing room. I took it home and tried it on and wept. Over the next few years I purchased other items via mail order. and did not get excited but found a kind of peace with them, but also guilt! so a number of times I got rid of it all and fought the temptation alone.
I watched a documentary on the television in the 70’s about a sex change, wow! It hit me so hard, suddenly I fully understood who I was. The very next day I was at the doctor’s, asking for the hormones and the blockers. I walked out the same day with a prescription; so easy then. Over a few years I took the pills, with no blood tests, no check-ups, no support of any kind.
I was working at this time in London, a very good position in hotel management, doing cookery demonstrations at the very top level but mentally, I could take no more. A stupid mistake was to accept some cocaine from a man I was training. I lost my job, my home, all the same day, and was living on the streets of London for the next year. So tough, so scary. I found a large overturned skip and lived in there for a while, I really felt like it was home, where I deserved to be; my place in life.
One cold wet day a car pulled up alongside me and offered me a hot meal and a bath. I stupidly accepted and was taken to a house and held there for nearly a year as a sex slave, looking after at least ten clients a day. I held myself together as long as I could until they dumped me in Hyde Park. I did not have any idea who I was or what was going on. I was placed in a mental hospital. Then I leftLondon.
Years passed and I asked for help with my gender. I no longer want to live if I cannot be free of my male anatomy. Three years later I received the operation and after another two years, I have my breasts.
Wow. Peace.
The gender op left me, sadly, with very little feeling and a clit that is so very painful. The help the NHS offered was a cream to kill all sensation and if this does not work, to have my clit amputated.
I looked on the internet and found Katie and her website. I emailed my story to her, we had a chat on the phone and she offered me help, I could not believe it, I was at a turning point in my life. The best person, the best place, the best time. We sat and chatted, I found before me someone who cared, someone who had the tools to teach me skills and hold my hand whilst I dared to learn and try new ones.
I remembered the first time we had to look into each other’s eyes, so hard to start with but such a pleasure to learn. Her pride in my progress.
The abuse had left me with flashbacks about being touched, men, all sorts of situations, but now I have someone alongside me there, caring. The first time that someone touches you all over and it is safe is a magical moment. So much more thought and so gratefully received; life changing.
Katie with her skill worked on the scars of my GRS and has brought back sensation I never dared to believe would return. She made me proud of my body, comfortable in my nakedness.
I have always felt healing in my own hands but never dared to try. Katie has given me the opportunity, so now I can love myself, listen to myself far more comfortably, and see a future helping others like myself and those who have been abused or lost in life.
This is the start of my journey, it’s exciting! Asking for help was such a good thing to do.
— Stevie Blue2pink